Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You

A guest message from Wayne W. Dyer

egoHere are 7 suggestions to help you transcend ingrained ideas of self-importance. All of these are designed to help prevent you from falsely identifying with the self-important ego.

1. Stop being offended.
The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. But you can become an appreciator of life and match up with the universal Spirit of Creation. You can’t reach the power of intention by being offended. By all means, act to eradicate the horrors of the world, which emanate from massive ego identification, but stay in peace. As A Course in Miracles reminds us: Peace is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being is of God, you who are part of God are not at home except in his peace. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to attack, counterattack, and war.

2. Let go of your need to win.
Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter-and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant.

You’re not your winnings or your victories. You may enjoy competing, and have fun in a world where winning is everything, but you don’t have to be there in your thoughts. There are no losers in a world where we all share the same energy source. All you can say on a given day is that you performed at a certain level in comparison to the levels of others on that day. But today is another day, with other competitors and new circumstances to consider. You’re still the infinite presence in a body that’s another day (or decade) older. Let go of needing to win by not agreeing that the opposite of winning is losing. That’s ego’s fear. If your body isn’t performing in a winning fashion on this day, it simply doesn’t matter when you aren’t identifying exclusively with your ego. Be the observer, noticing and enjoying it all without needing to win a trophy. Be at peace, and match up with the energy of intention. And ironically, although you’ll hardly notice it, more of those victories will show up in your life as you pursue them less.

3. Let go of your need to be right.
Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. The creative Spirit is kind, loving, and receptive; and free of anger, resentment, or bitterness. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and relationships is like saying to ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness, and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying that she’s right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth.

When you let go of the need to be right, you’re able to strengthen your connection to the power of intention. But keep in mind that ego is a determined combatant. I’ve seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy? When you choose the happy, loving, spiritual mood, your connection to intention is strengthened. These moments ultimately expand your new connection to the power of intention. The universal Source will begin to collaborate with you in creating the life you were intended to live.

4. Let go of your need to be superior.
True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be. Stay focused on your growth, with a constant awareness that no one on this planet is any better than anyone else. We all emanate from the same creative life force. We all have a mission to realize our intended essence; all that we need to fulfill our destiny is available to us. None of this is possible when you see yourself as superior to others. It’s an old saw, but nonetheless true: we are all equal in the eyes of God. Let go of your need to feel superior by seeing the unfolding of God in everyone. Don’t assess others on the basis of their appearance, achievements, possessions, and other indices of ego. When you project feelings of superiority that’s what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostile feelings. These feelings become the vehicle that takes you farther away from intention. A Course in Miracles addresses this need to be special and superior: Special ness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive.

5. Let go of your need to have more.
The mantra of ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn’t enough. You’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of ever arriving. Yet in reality you’ve already arrived, and how you choose to use this present moment of your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you’re detached from the need for it, you find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace.

The universal Source is content with itself, constantly expanding and creating new life, never trying to hold on to its creations for its own selfish means. It creates and lets go. As you let go of ego’s need to have more, you unify with that Source. You create, attract to yourself, and let it go, never demanding that more come your way. As an appreciator of all that shows up, you learn the powerful lesson St. Francis of Assisi taught: “…it is in giving that we receive.” By allowing abundance to flow to and through you, you match up with your Source and guarantee that this energy will continue to flow.

6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements
This may be a difficult concept if you think you are your achievements. God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements. I can hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless, stay tuned to this idea. All emanates from Source! You and that Source are one! You’re not this body and its accomplishments. You are the observer. Notice it all; and be grateful for the abilities you’ve accumulated. But give all the credit to the power of intention, which brought you into existence and which you’re a materialized part of. The less you need to take credit for your achievements and the more connected you stay to the seven faces of intention, the more you’re free to achieve, and the more will show up for you. It’s when you attach yourself to those achievements and believe that you alone are doing all of those things that you leave the peace and the gratitude of your Source.

7. Let go of your reputation.
Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed the opinions of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. There’s nothing you can’t do, unless you disconnect from the power source and become convinced that your purpose is to prove to others how masterful and superior you are and spend your energy attempting to win a giant reputation among other egos. Do what you do because your inner voice always connected to and grateful to your Source-so directs you. Stay on purpose, detach from outcome, and take responsibility for what does reside in you: your character. Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you. Or as a book title says: What You Think of Me Is None of My Business!

Copyright © Dr. Wayne W. Dyer | Wayne W. Dyer, Ph.D., is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development. He’s the author of 30 books, has created many audio programs and videos, and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows.

InnerVitality welcomes your comments…


Meditation in Compassion For Ourselves & All Beings

The following metta loving kindness meditation is based on the work of Debbie Shapiro from The BodyMind Workbook:

Sit upright and comfortably, take a deep breath, close your eyes and relax. First bring your attention to your heart and repeat to yourself, ‘May I be well, may I be happy, may all things go well for me’. Allow the feeling to grow within…releasing guilt, shame, unworthiness or inability to receive. Let love shine. Repeat as many times as you like, ‘May I be well, may I be happy, may all things go well for me’.

In the second stage, direct the loving kindness and compassion you feel towards a dear friend. Repeat several times, ‘May they be well, may they be happy, may all things go well for them’. Feel love radiate throughout your being.

Now direct compassion and loving kindness to a neutral person…you may not even personally know them. Hold this individual in your heart and imagine unconditional love flowing towards them. Repeat, ‘May they be well, may they be happy, may all things go well for them’. Feel love for the unknown for in reality we are all one.

Next, direct loving kindness and compassion to one who might traditionally be considered your enemy, or one you currently have a conflict with. ‘May they be well, may they be happy, may all things go well for them’. Repeat this phrase until you feel your acceptance and love flow to them.

In the last stage, line up these 4 people ~ yourself, your friend, the neutral person, and the enemy. Hold all in your heart until you feel such equal unconditional love that you do not have a preference for one above the other. Now begin to extend compassion outwards to all those in your immediate vicinity and eventually to all beings worldwide, stating ‘May all beings be at peace, may I be at peace with all beings’.

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A Prayer for Haiti

It is a difficult time for our world, as we witness Haiti going through such devastation from the catastrophic earthquake last week and aftershocks that are still occurring.

We know, that if you are able, you are donating funds to the many wonderful relief organizations that are on the ground in Haiti. We can also pray and hold the intention that Haiti will be restored to its natural, original beauty and be recreated with a more viable infrastructure to sustain her citizens. At the same time, we can acknowledge that the Global Heart is opening further with the whole world focused on supporting Haiti.

To that end, I have written a prayer for the recovery of Haiti and her soulful people. Please feel free to pass this prayer along to others.

Dear Creator,

We call in the light and open our hearts in sending our prayers to Haiti.

We see this beautiful island as a tropical paradise in turquoise waters in its original, natural and vibrant state and surround it with light and love.

First, we send light and love to the hundreds of thousands of souls who passed over to the other side so they may have smooth transition to the higher realms.

We send light and love to their loved ones left behind. May their grief heal, may they be safe and protected and may they transform and re-create themselves for their highest good.

We send light and love to the injured so that they can heal painlessly and get the medical help as soon as possible.

We send light and love to all of the medical professionals so they that they can help the injured swiftly restoring them to health.

We send light and love to the tent cities so that they live in a harmonious and peaceful manner, helping each other through this tragedy.

We send light and love to the street gangs so they make the choice for their behaviour to be of a higher order.

We send light and love to all the soldiers, relief workers, peacekeepers and missionaries in the life saving work they do and so that they can hold the peace for Haiti .

We send light and love to the soul of Haiti, so that her faith can be restored and that her courage strengthens more each day in moving through this tragedy.

We send light and love to the UN and Bill Clinton, the UN envoy, so that Haiti can be rebuilt and returned to its natural, beautiful state.

We send light and love to other political leaders, our [Canada’s] Governor General, Michaelle Jean, whose soul is weeping, and broadcasters and journalists for the endless work they do in Haiti.

We send light and love to all of humankind, so that our Global Heart opens further and we share our resources and money generously. We realize that we are all interconnected. We are all one!

So be it. Namaste.

Kathy Ryndak

Kathy Ryndak is the Co-founder of Transformational Arts College in Toronto, Canada | Visit their website at; view Transformational Arts College’s monthly e-newsletter / subscribe.

InnerVitality sends blessings of love and protection to the courageous souls in and of Haiti, all those affected by the earthquake. Your comments on this post are welcome below…